Remembering Jeffro...........

Mr. Ryder asked me to post the comments that Jeff's friends spoke at the memorial service. I have put them in as individual postings. Aynsley Copeland

Keith Armstrong said.............................

Jeff was a very special person and dear friend. He never met a stranger and loved talking to anyone about anything.
His laugh and smile are two of the things that I'll always remember and miss about Jeffro. In every picture I've looked at over the past few days Jeff always wore a smile. His ability to brighten up a room was truly unique.
These are the memories that I will always remember and cherish.

Aynsley Copeland said.....................

For those of you that do not know me, I am Aynsley Copeland, Todd Copeland's wife. I met Todd & Jeff in Feb of 1998. I learned very quickly the relationship that Todd and Jeff had and I knew that Jeff would be a big part of my life if Todd and I were to be together. Needless to say he was like a brother to me. We could fight but, we still loved each other. A few things that I think of when I think of Jeff are: First and foremost he was one of the smartest people that I knew. 2nd he could do absolutely anything, and 3rd he would do anything that I ever asked of him. I loved him very much and I do not think that there will ever be a day that will go by that I will not think of him and smile. Jeffro I will see you again! I love you!

Mark George said...............

I was the last to come into the group. That was in 1992. I knew of everybody, in school. When I met Jeff, it was like he had known me all my life. He talked to me just like a brother would. Jeff had a way about him, like, he never met a stranger. Jeff was laied back and smooth about whatever he did. Over all the years that I've known him, I've never seen him really mad......but he could get your aggravated with him....and then the next minute, everything was fine. This is the way I want to remember him....laied back and smooth....my friend, my buddy, my brother. I will never forget you and I'll always love you Jeffro.

Debra Davison said...........

Mr & Mrs Ryder, Butch, Leah, Nikki & Candy

Words alone cannot express how much Jeff meant to us. He was the best friend many of us ever had or will have. He has touched our hearts and changed our lives. He was not only our teacher but was also our student, crossing guard & bus driver. Jeff made sure he helped his friends before asking for any help for himself. When he talked about his friends he would always sound like a proud parent who was happy with his children's accomplishments. Jeff treated his friends like they were gifts to him. He cherished and loved all of us.

What I cherish the most is Jeff's friendship and that is what will be missed the most. Jeff was a special gift and all of us who knew him were blessed.

Jason Hughes said...............

I can't remember a time when Jeff and I were not friends. As far back as I can remember he has always been there. I remember my parents dropping me off at the Ryder's house to play when we were probably 6 or 7 years old. I remember Jeff had a plastic bowling set and we would set it up in the hallway and play for hours. I remember the days of us all getting together to ride three and four wheelers. I remember us going hunting together, hanging out after school, and renting a limo for our senior prom. We always went on trips together. Whether we were going to the beach to ride seadoos, or going snow skiing, or going on a cruise Jeff was always there. Jeff was the kind of person that if you ever needed help with anyting he would always be there. There are not enough words to express my feelings for Jeff. He will be missed but never forgotten. Jeff is my friend, my brother.

Kevin Smith said.....................

I consider myself extremely fortunate to have had such a close group of friends over the last 25 years. I am very lucky to have grown up with such good people for the majority of my life. We have all shared many memories, good times and bad, happy times and sad. Through it all, we have remained so close for so long that we have become something more than just friends. We are family, a brotherhood.....something very rare but very true. From early days in school growing up to just last night when we all came together to say goodbye to one of our own. There are countless memories filled with laughter and joy that we have all shared many times over, and numerous photos of times that we have all shared together. We will always have them and will always cherish them. Marriages, children, moves to different areas....all things that normally break up groups of people over the years yet, here we are 25 years later still friends, still family, still brothers. For the original few of us that began this special family years ago and for the additions along the way, we share in one last goodbye to Jeffro. He was many things to many people, but most important to me was that he was my brother. He was one of us, a special member of our special family, and nothing and nobody can ever take that away.

Stephen Hardemon said..............

When I was asked to relay some of my thought about Jeff, I knew right away that I would not be able to stand before you or speak to you about him without breaking down in tears. The tears I have for Jeff are not just tears of sadness for loosing him, but are also for the joy that I have for having known him, and more importantly for having been considered by him as a friend.
I find great comfort in knowing that Jeff lived his life well, that he was able to see, do, and accomplish so much in the short life he was given.
My earliest recollections of Jeff were of playing in the field across from the Ryder's old house in the Lakeview community. Jeff was a little younger than most of us, even then he was a little wiser for his age, which probably meant that he was the smartest one of our bunch.
I can sit and recall moments with Jeff from adolescence, through our teen years, our twenty's and into our thirties and they all bring a smile to my face. I can't recall one moment that I ever spent with Jeff that wasn't a joyful celebration of life.
Everyone should have friends that they can say are as close as family to them, I feel so blessed that I was able to count Jeff as one of these friends. Jeff, I will miss having our conversations about anything and everything. I will miss your obnoxious laugh, I will miss your "I did one better than that" stories, I will miss telling you my troubles, I will miss hearing yours. Most of all Jeff, I will miss you, my brother.

Todd Copeland said..........

There are no words that can express the relationship that I had with Jeff Ryder. For the last 10+ years Jeff was my closest friend. As most of you know, and Aynsley can attest to, Jeff and I did most everything together.

Some people did not understand why Todd could not go anywhere without Jeffro. Even Aynsley had issues with it when we first started dating. But she learned, probably the hard way, that there was an unexplainable bond between me and Jeff. And as she got to know Jeff, she learned to love him and even referred to him as her “other husband.”

I have so many memories of Jeff from as far back as elementary school up until Tuesday night. There is no way I could put them on paper.

The best way for me to explain my relation ship with Jeff is to be short and to the point.

When I could not drive, he was my ride.
When I could not see, he was my eyes.
And when I was by myself, he was there.

Even though he never said it, I think he felt he had to take care of me and that is what he did.

I will never forget him or what he meant to my life.

I am blessed to have had Jeff in my life. Not many people can say that they have a true friend that they can’t remember not having. As far back as I can remember Jeff has always been there

Jeff and I are both lucky to have a group of friends that have stayed close since school days. We all will miss Jeffro but we will still have each other and the memories of Jeff.

Butch said........

Jeff, My Brother

As kids, we lived together, We fought, we laughed, we cried.
We did not always show the love, that we both had inside.
We shared our dreams and plans, and some secrets too.
All the memories we share, is what bonds me now to you.
We grew to find we have a love, that is very strong today.
It's a love shared by our family, that will never fade away.
You are my brother not by choice, but by the nature of our birth.
I could not have chosen a better one, you are the best on earth.
Thanks for being my Little Bro! Butch

We would like to express our appreciation for the support and outpouring of Love and understanding during our time of grief over the loss of Jeff. We can never truly express what the tributes of friends and family have meant to us in our darkest hour. I was overwhelmed by the many friends and relatives who took time from their busy Holiday schedule to show us just how much Jeff and our Family means to them.

Words cannot express the tremendous loss we are feeling at this time, but your visits and your stories of Jeff will help us to cope with the loss and reassure us that he is lovingly remembered by all whom he touched in this life.

We love you all:

Candy, Carl, Carolyn, Butch, Nicki

A poem for us to remember

God said you were getting weary
So He did what He thought was best
He came and stood beside you
And said, "Come, and rest."

You bade no one a last farewell
No, not even a goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why.

Jeff Ryder is a beautiful spirit that will last forever. My thoughts are with Carl, Carolyn, Grandmother, Butch, Nicki, Carlie, Ashley, Candy and all the rest of the family.


Love,
Lori Swindle

Jeff's Arrangments

Saturday December 23 Brown's Service in Bessemer from 12:00-12:30 family, 12:30-2:00 visitation, 2:00 is the ceremony. There will be no Grave Side Service. In lieu of flowers please send donations to The Palliative Care and Comfort Unit 1713 6th Avenue South Birmingham, AL 35294. Please ask that the donations be in Jeff's name. If anyone has any questions please do not hesitate to call me at 682-3203 wk, 915-0811 cell or 477-6616 home! Aynsley Copeland

Carl, Carolyn and Candy are going to the funeral home this morning to make arrangements. I spoke to Candy this morning and she will call me as soon as she knows! I will post it as soon as I have the information! Aynsley

Jeff passed away about 7:45 am. He had been taken to the emergency room about midnight.

Yesterday morning I was tending to Jeff, giving him his suction tube or some such task, and he asked me when he was going home. He was so miserable. I had to tell him that he was home. It was not long after that that he wanted to go get in his bed in his bedroom. After he got settled in it he stayed in it until about 6 am this morning.

Tonight he seems to be in pain with the headache similar to what it was before he had the trach installed. And he is resting in the hospital bed.

His sister, Nicki, came and stayed awhile tonight as did Todd and Ansley. His older brother, Butch, is coming again tomorrow. Butch just had back surgery two weeks ago.

We appreciate the food that has been brought. But most of all we thank the Lord for you friends and family who continue to hold us up in prayer. And we praise the Lord for the little milestones that He gives us.

Carolyn

Visiting with Jeff

I'm up here with Jeffro and he is awake and 'talking' alot and glad to see everyone (well, at least i think he was glad to see me:). He was pretty tired from the trip yesterday and they say he has slept most of the day. I found out that Jeff went to the hospital from reading the blog...Butch found out the same way. I know folks are reading often so when Daddy can't post, I will try to. It seems he has a fan club these days. All kinds of really great folks have brought food by and Mom, Dad and Candy all appreciate not having to think about cooking anything. Jeff just drinks some 'spinich juice', with some other really healthy things, to fatten him up again. But Candy is taking fantastic care of him.
Later,
Nicki

After we got home and settled in Jeff had afairly restful night. He still has some Pneumonia so they gave him 2 iv antibotics at the hospital. He would awaken and cough up some of the junk and then go right back to sleep. About 6 am he moved to his recliner and did not cough as much. He is lying flat in the bed now snoozing away.

Carl

Jeff had his peg tube reinstalled and the trach straightened. He was released from the hospital and we returned home about 10:00 pm.
We are getting settled and making him comfortable, He seems to be feeling pretty good.

Carl

Jeff has just left by ambulance headed to UAB emergency. His feeding tube came out and there is a problem with his trach. They will probably do surgery to install another tube and will straighten the trach. I will post again as soon as we know what they are going to do and when he will be back home.

Carl Ryder

Jeff rested well yesterday and last night, alert and fussing about us messing with him. He decided this morning that he was tired of the hospital bed and wanted to get in his own bed. Candy and Carolyn rearranged the oxygen and the other stuff for him and he moved to his room. He immediately went to sleep and seems to resting really well. We cannot say enough how we appreciate everyones response to this page and all of the prayers that are going up in his behalf.
He had company yesterday afternoon and did not get to sit on the porch so when I started home late yesterday afternoon he wrote me a note that we would go out for a while today.

Jeff had a good Saturday and Saturday night. He was developing a little congestion in his right lung and the Nurse suggested we give him an extra breathing treatment. He has coughted a lot of it up and is breathing much easier. He has been awake and alert this morning and walked out on the porch for a minute but it was still pretty chilly. I promised he could go out and sit awhile after it warmed up after lunch. He says to tell everyone "HI" and not to count him out yet. If we keep praying GOD does have an answer for us.

Carl

Jeff had a good day Friday and rested well last night. He is alert and asking questions this morning and wanting to know everything that is going on. We are very encouraged about how he is responding.
The comments posted on the blog are very encouraging to all of us. Jeff has been on the computer and viewed everything the last 2 days and will probably do so again today.

Jeff slept most of the day Thursday. He must have been tired from doing so much Wed. The med keep him down quite a bit, but he rouses up when someone talks to him and is very clear in his responses. Slept in his recliner most of the night, got in bed about 2 am and spent the rest of it.

Jeff had a restful night. He was very alert yesterday, was up and around a good bit. looked at the blog to see what was going on. My wireless router has crashed, I will get a new one today and maybe I can get Jeff to help me get it up and running. That way he can use the computer from bed or in his chair and not have to go to the office. Let us hear from all of you.
Carl Ryder

Jeff has gotten good use of the recliner his friends bought for him. He sat up in it all day yesterday (Tuesday.) He is staying fairly comfortable and we are learning to care for the trach.

Butch (Jeff's brother) and sister-in-law Leah came down and spent the afternoon with Jeff yesterday.

Carl and I continue to take turns sitting up at night so Candy can get a full night's sleep. She has opted to leave her job for the interim.

Carl and I appreciate the friends who brought Jeff the chair. We had been apprehensive about Jeff getting any use of it and he probably wouldn't have before the trach was put in. But he will now get very good use of the chair. Thank you Todd and all the other guys and gals.
Carolyn

Jeff is home and has had a very good day. He has been alert and communicating all day, slept very little today so I expect that he will sleep good tonight. The last group of Dr.s seem to have his meds and schedule worked out really well. I don't think he has felt this good in quite a while.
I will be bringing my wireless laptop and router over tomorrow so he can sit in his new Recliner and surf the internet and check up on what everybody is doing.
Carl Ryder

Monday 12/11/06

Jeff came home around 3:00 pm today and seems to be happy to be at home. Aynsley Copeland

Monday morning: Jeff had a fairly restful night without a lot of agitation. He is running a temperature almost all the time. They are able to keep it under control with Tylenol. He is on antibiotics for the pneumonia and also another infection.
We are still planning on taking him home this morning sometime, but have not seen a Dr. yet so we don't know for sure.

It would mean a lot to Carl and I to read about some memories you have of Jeff.

Thursday night Jeff was so restless and for much of the night he only slept for five minutes at the time, getting up and trying to get out of bed each time, staying awake for about 15 to 20 minutes. Early into the long night I asked if I could rub his back with some cream and he seemed to enjoy it. Then I rubbed his left foot thoroughly with the cream. When I finished this he took the cream from me, squirted some cream on my fingertips and proceeded to rub my hand. Then he moved the other foot out for me to rub it. Small things like this touch a mother's heart.

Jeff's mom, Carolyn

Jeff has been resting very well since being moved to UAB's Palliative Care Center. They are managing all of his meds. With the combination they are using he is resting when he sleeps. He is asleep all most all of the time, waking for a very few minutes at the time.

This morning maybe around 5:30 a.m. he wrote me a note that he had had enough rest. I asked him if he wanted to get up and sit in a chair and he nodded yes. When he sat down in it which was a good way from his oxygen I could tell he was in pain. They pain was in the right side of his chest. They nurse checked it and shortly thereafter the doctor checked it. They took a chest x-ray and told us this afternoon that he has pneumonia. We had been told that we would have to make the decision whether to give anti-biotics or not. When they called with the test results we chose to give him the med.

He does seem to be failing fast. Please pray for him and for us.
Carolyn Ryder

Sunday December 10, 2006

Jeff had a fairly restful night. He tires rapidly when awake and drifts off to sleep. He is still writing notes and communicating with us and Candy. He is still scheduled to go home on Monday if nothing changes.

Friday afternoon

Jeff had a rough night. The doctors have decided to keep him a few more days. He will be moving to 3rd floor today.

Jeff had a rough day yesterday. He is having a hard time getting used to a new pain medicine. He should be back at home sometime this afternoon. Right now the family is asking us to limit visitors. We will let you know when they are ready for visitors and/or phone calls.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I will try to get Jeff all the messages left on this site.

Dec 7th

Jeff is still in the Hospital (UAB). He is going to have a permanent trach put in on Friday morning and will be home either Friday afternoon or some time Saturday.
in